What am I wearing today?

Why do we wear masks? Often times we wear masks to hide things about ourselves where we hold a lot of shame or guilt inside. Maybe you did something you're not feeling good about, like telling a lie about something. Then, in a conversation with that person you lied to, your guilt has you feeling really uncomfortable, perhaps even on edge, riddled with anxiety. At this point you are doing everything you can do to hide your guilt and on comes the mask.

Maybe we wear masks to fit in with a crowd? Remember in school, when we were younger, all the groups we interacted with? So there were a bunch of athletes we called the "jocks" and there were the brainy people we called "preps". I'm obviously dating myself here in order to make my point. :) In my own experience, I wanted to fit in with everyone. Being part of the crowd was super important to my self-esteem back then. I remember I needed to act a certain way, use the proper language to be "cool" in order to be accepted and feel like I was part of them. So I realized how many times we have to wear a mask. We have to build and maintain relationships with our family members, coworkers, colleagues, the public at large, etc., and we've learned to do it well, I have for sure, I know that. The question is, do we really need to? and what happens if we don't?

Here's the thing... What if we remove the mask and be our authentic selves? How good would that feel to be in alignment with ourselves and finally stop caring what others think of us? (Ummm... yep, here I am, writing this blog entry, wondering what people will think, you see how this works?) This is part of what I'm working through right now for myself.

I'm really looking at all aspects of myself. All the things that I am ashamed of within me as well as accepting my body image and the things I don't like about myself. Yeah, I know, there are things that we can work on and change AND what if we accept and choose to love ourselves the way we are right now in spite of our perceived flaws? What if we just loved all of us In this present moment? It seems to me that no matter what changes you make to improve yourself, if you don't have the foundation of self-love in the now, your changes won't make any difference in how you see yourself in the future.

Allow me to expand a bit here. Let's say you don't like the shape of your nose? Your inner critic says compared to Flossie (IYKYK), my nose is just too big, too pointy, too broad, and Flossie has a perfect nose! I want that kind of nose, then I know I will love myself more. Off you go, listening to your ego, you spend a bunch of money for cosmetic surgery, and you make your nose the way you think Flossie's looks and you magically love yourself!!

Not a chance! It doesn't work this way. Let's stop right here and break this down. So, you think post surgery you have a cute nose now, and you love yourself in all the perfect ways, yet you realize you still have an inner critic that says you're not lovable! Did the nose job solve the problem? NO!!! Why? Because you still don't authentically love yourself!

Self-love is where you have to start. Accept all of you, every last detail, create space for yourself and accept the imperfect human journey we are all on. Gather up all of your traumas, shadows, negative thoughts, regrets, missed opportunities, body imperfections, bad decisions, failures, etc., and really look at them. These flaws are what you are judging yourself by and this is how you are restricting yourself from living your best life. These perceived flaws don't define you. Most likely they were life experiences that brought you to where you are now. Stop treating your failures as a setback rather than seeing them as stepping stones to success. Use them as learning opportunities. Embrace them. It seems when you lack self-love and accept all of these negative things, you become fearful about life. This stops your personal growth, you get in your own way, and you stop yourself from really living.

In my own exploration of self love, I compiled this list to help myself shift to fully experience self love. It's an ongoing process for me that may resonate with you too.

Set Intentions to develop a focus for the things you want to achieve in your life.

Develop positive self talk - make conscious choices about the words you choose to use and be kind and gentle with yourself. Be mindful of what you put "out there" because the Universe is listening!

Self Awareness - recognize those things about yourself you don't like by acknowledging them without guilt or shame. Make an effort to turn these negative aspects into positives and see them as areas of improvement you are capable of as you love yourself more each day.

Self Forgiveness - slow down and give yourself the grace and time to accept that you are living as an imperfect human. Stop blaming and punishing yourself. Let go of the old stories and beliefs that no longer serve you.

Feed your soul - find the things in life that really light you up and make you feel happy, feed your soul some of this high fiber organic love energy and watch your brain come up with better ideas.

Emotional Boundaries - communicate the treatment you want to receive from others by showing them how you love and treat yourself; stop allowing others to treat you less than you are willing to accept.

Personal Accountability - this relates to your emotional boundaries, stop making excuses, own the choices you are making, and take responsibility for yourself and your actions or lack there of.

Saying "No" - prioritize your own needs over people pleasing, carve out time for daily self care, if people respond to you with hurt feelings know that this is their issue, not yours. They should value and respect your personal needs and decisions.

Establish Positive Habits - create daily rituals no matter how big or small, start serving yourself better, practice self commitment and stick to it, and be proud of yourself for doing it.

Self Alignment/Authenticity - live your life in a way that is in line with your deepest core values and beliefs, stay true to your thoughts, words, and actions with your highest truth to evolve into the person you know you've chosen to be.

I started writing this earlier with the thought, "What am I wearing today?" and here's my answer... I'm putting myself out there. I'm bravely allowing myself to be vulnerable and I'm removing the damn mask. I'm making the best attempt to love myself and no longer hide behind my flaws. I'm no longer going to worry about who I should be according to someone else's agenda. I want a happy fulfilling life. I want to celebrate all the love and light I bring to the world and continue on my healing journey. I want to help and support others to grow as well. This is my truth, and so it shall be.

Thank you MSL and HJL for continuing to guide me in finding my true life's purpose.